Speak, Jack! A Canine Column

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Through the miracle of science, Etc. presents the following article by Collection II spokesdog Jack. Go easy on him. He’s never written an advice column before.)

Henlo! Am Jack, good boy and spokesdog of Collection II! Favorite hobbies include long walks at sandy place, doin a snooze on Clarette Lounge Sofa, and eating many, many treatz. When hooman works from home, she makes many mistakes that Jack, expert on being at home, would never make. So today, Jack presents nonsensical work habits of hooman!
 
1. Staying in one spot all day.
Hooman must love desk as much as Jack loves treatz. To this, Jack say, “Move around you heckin goof!” Sometimes, Jack gets tired of a spot (example: bed). When such happens, Jack moves to different spot (example: floor). Is good to move.
 
2. Too much screen time.
Hooman is frequently glued to dumb screen all day. Jack wakes up, hooman looking at screen. Jack go to bed, and hooman still looking at screen! Preposterous. Taking breaks very important. Hooman maybe not ready for five–six naps per day, but with practice, she will get there. Am believe in her.
 
3. Not knowing when to refuel.
Hooman rarely if ever enjoy snacks. Jack knows from bottom of heart that eating snacks is secret to success. Sometimes, hooman walk to fridge, open fridge, look in fridge, and close fridge. All without snack! Is important to fuel brain. Is even more important to enjoy snack with fren, such as Jack.
 
Okay, is time for nap number three of day. Thank for reading.